two tickets to paradise, please

WHERE IN THE HELL IS MY ASTROLOGICAL PARADISE?!?

i understood the karmic debt and happily repaid it. i smiled through the long days at the store. the sinus infection. the melancholy. the absence of dear friends. the parade of idiots. i got hit by a car for fuck's sake! i took the tests, where are my 'gifts'?!?

in the week or so since my birthday, i've...broken a tooth; had a nail in my tire; been caught in the rain without an umbrella; lost the elastic in my underwear; spent five days pushing my mother uphill in a wheelchair.

on the other hand, i've seen friends...rekindle romance; get promotions they were hoping for; finally (!) become pregnant; find new homes they love; recover from illness...yeah. okay. i get it. these are the gifts. and even i believe that it's better to give than to receive. my good karmic energy is spilling over the top of me, splashing everyone in my vicinity.

ah, well, yes. the horoscope confirms it:

'you have discovered an environment permeated with kindness, well-being and support. there is a feeling of abundance in the air. it's quite a long road, but you can sense a payoff just around the next corner. still, you must hold it together until your well earned reward arrives. be aware that everything may not turn out quite as sweet as you wish, but you should begin to see positive results soon enough if you have done your work.

open yourself to the warmth of a harmonious, welcoming universe. you will be safe there. you are likely to make contact with a person, situation or group significant to your psychic and emotional life. this new influence will help you shift your focus. you may awaken to a sweeter, more harmonious and nourishing life experience. even if you have spent years living without anything like this, and it arouses your suspicions, try to relax into it. don't resist. allow the experience to soften you and teach you how to trust again. just because the past has been difficult or lonely doesn't mean you have to live that way forever. this opportunity gives you permission to feel your sweetness again, and a safe place to do it. unfold your petals. glory in being the wanted child of a benign universe. no harm will come to you.'

ah-ha. karma hit the snooze alarm.

i can wait. although sometimes i am willful and don't listen. i can wait.