twenty - no, wait - twelve questions

so, i'm beginning to get used to california. i'm even beginning to love it. although, i do have a few questions ...

1. why are there speed bumps on the 'uphill' side of the parking lots?

2. what do these people do for a living that at three o'clock on a wednesday they're hanging out at the grocery store? don't they have jobs?

3. if these people don't have jobs, is there somebody, somewhere, handing out giant bags of money?

4. if so, how do i get one? (and can i get one for my sister and brother.in.law, too?)

5. where do surfers put their keys?

6. how is it i'm the only one in the 7-11 with shoes on - every time?

7. where is everyone going in such a hurry? (seriously - i'm going 80 mph and i'm relegated to the 'slow lane.')

8. if you buy a new car in california, does it come with a surf board and/or bicycle strapped to its shell? why then, does it not come with turn signals?

9. if it's cold enough to wear a turtleneck, how is it warm enough to wear flip flops?

10. why does gas cost 30 cents more per gallon on the right side of the street?

11. when did it become appropriate to take your dog with you everywhere you go? (and i'm not just talking about tiny, fit.them.into.your.purse.kinda.dogs, i'm talking about ladies walking around with cocker spaniels and terriers in their arms - in the grocery store and the gap.)

12. will i be asked to leave the state if i don't soon own an article of clothing made of fleece?



i'm just wondering ...