confession

i have a confession to make. it's ugly. it will subject me to ridicule. it might even cost me some of my most important relationships. but then, life is too short to leave things so well protected and unsaid. so here goes ...

'pretty woman' is one of my favorite movies. it is. and not for the reasons you might think.

yes. i am a sucker for a happy ending. yes. i'd like to be given a shopping spree on rodeo drive and flown to another city to hear beautiful music. and yes! i'd like someone to reach inside and pull out the tiny splinter of truth and hope that hides beneath the events of my day, hungering for the meat of me. (hell. some days, all i need is someone i love to bring me flowers. i do not require he scale a fire escape to do so.)

no ...

i love 'pretty woman' because it speaks to my experiences - in broad, broad strokes, of course - and offers me an idea of things i might want in this life. and things i might not. i love 'pretty woman' because it doesn't apologize for believing in potential. or possibility. or big, big love. and i do. right down to the gooey center of me.

but mostly, i love 'pretty woman' because i am a big believer in the construction of fantasies and the breaking down to make something that is beautiful. and real.

i've never been, nor will i ever be a hooker, but i've walked that same street ... i know how it feels to be ruled by a lack of money ... i am uncomfortably familiar with the desperation and humiliation that attends. i know how it feels to have no idea of who i am, who i'll become or how i'll bridge the distance between the two. i understand that desire to reach a particular destination, even as i hold tight to the experience of the journey. and i now know the power and joy of recognizing that i determine my own worth.

i've never been, nor will i ever be a millionaire (or a man, for that matter), but i know what it is to feel i have everything i could ask for and still feel there is something, the most important thing, missing. i know how it is to stand in a room full of people and feel completely disconnected and alone. and i know that it's possible for someone to take my hand and change my entire view of the world.

it's okay with me that for some folks that sweet, silly little movie will always be about a hooker and a millionaire ... shockingly unrealistic, slightly misogynistic and yet another example of how man was put here to SAVE woman.

but for me, it all begins right there at the end and it reminds me of the way one person, one experience, can alter the course of our existence ... if we choose to heed the lesson and accept the gift. and as lovely as it is to help or 'save' someone, there is nothing wrong with being the person who is saved.

believe me. i know.