tired

i cannot sleep. even though i am tired ...

... i am tired of feeling guilty for choosing to make a different life. so go ahead, feel abandoned or betrayed or whatever else you want to feel. i am no longer accepting responsibility for that.

... i am tired of worrying about money.

... i am tired of looking for a place to park.

... i am tired of the phrase, 'in this economy.' also: 'in times like these,' 'in these troubled times,' and 'we know it's hard out there.' everyone knows it's hard out here. stop talking about it and DO SOMETHING, damn it!

... i am tired of my grey hairs spiraling out of control. even if grace did pronounce them, 'cool.'

... i am tired of having to ask people to do their jobs.

... i am tired of apologizing for how i feel.

... i am tired of being without an ipod. life is so much better when it's set to music.

... i am tired of being guarded and cynical and old, old, old. i want to be young and stupid and love openly and earnestly. well ... not stupid. i do not want to be stupid. (doesn't stop me, though, does it?)

... i am tired of keeping my hopes hidden just because you're scared of getting wrecked again. i am, too. who isn't?

... i am tired of schedules and questions and ex husbands and junk mail and fruit flies and how loudly my neighbor walks up and down the stairs and telemarketers and ...

... and i am tired of this mood. wasn't i fabulously happy just 24 hours ago? hormones are ridiculous.