Thursday, September 25, 2008


i see them all the time. the wounded girls. in their summer clothes, bags in hand. wandering the streets with their hearts on their sleeves, their heartbreak on their faces. i walk among them, moving in the same direction, but apart. separate. above.

or so i thought.

it drifts in, you know ... the doubt, the insecurity, the fear, the ache ... like the ocean you can't see, but you can smell. it drifts in ... creating a storm in my brain. making me angry and sullen. i breathe fire.

it drifts in ... when the things that are momentous to me are of little moment to others. when i catch a glimpse of the life that was slapped away. when the ghosts climb in my buggy. when i realize i'm a ripple, and not the tidal wave i'd hoped to be.

it drifts in ... and the words won't come. or come in fits and starts, like my breath. it drifts in and my tongue dissolves into a pillar of salt. i close my eyes and put my guard up. i practice not loving you. to keep it at bay. i sting as i lick my own wounds.

i walk home in the heavy evening air. a long walk. unwelcome tonight. my eyes, bee-stung from crying and aching with the newness of it all.

(i have to admit, i find my own weakness embarrassing.)

i come upon another wounded girl, parked too far from home and waiting for the light to change. (aren't we all waiting for the light to change?)

'break up with your boyfriend, too?' she asks.

'he's not my boyfriend,' i say.

and she laughs. loud. long. surprising us both.

and just for a fleeting moment, like lightning hanging in the summer sky, i am myself again. the girl who makes people laugh. the girl with the perfect hair who holds hands and listens to sad stories and who makes things better.

and the corner girl, she'll never know me any differently. which is good. because as she walks away, laughing still, i feel you catch in my throat. and i can smell the ocean again.

Monday, September 22, 2008

all about eve

i love eve ensler. i do. especially now...

Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for 'The Vagina Monologues', wrote the following about Sarah Palin:

Drill, Drill, Drill

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares.

I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears.

Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women.

I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country choose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes. Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking.

From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing.

It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.'

I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008

Thursday, September 4, 2008

when it don't come easy

this song used to remind me of the person i wanted to be. i listened to it this evening and it occurred to me that it's about the person i've become ... that best version of myself ... the one who revealed herself the day i met you. how lucky for us both.

patty griffin - when it don't come easy

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