the ghost of the old eagerness

thomas wolf speaks of 'the ghost of the old eagerness.'

the ghost has awakened in me...in a way that whispers to me in the final moment before sleep comes, when the barriers have fallen. faint, but powerful. i feel something stir inside. something deep and old...making me curious and want to follow its lead.

in those moments, i can feel a tiny wisp of time that hangs in the air, like lightning in a summer sky. and i know something is coming. only, i can't see what it is because it's as if my eyes are adjusting to the sunlight outside.

maybe it's something i want. or something i thought i'd never want, but suddenly find i need. a feeling...not yet fully formed. a part of myself i have never seen. it is not, i am certain, a question of possibility, or of opportunity, or of luck. it just is, in a way i quite like.

i have no expectations, save for the fact that i expect it will arrive - and not according to my whim or wish or timetable. and that one day, i will look back and say, 'there began the thing that would change me forever.'