hello (she says sweetly).
i was hoping to bring you a bit of the coast, all dressed up in its thursday best, but it is not to be. the day has been one of clouds and cold and my favorite kind of rain - the kind that blows in sideways and seems to fall upwards. it has been a good day for sleeping in, snuggling with the cat and dreaming the day away. and that is precisely what chutney and i have done.
it seems slightly incongruous, though, that it should be so blustery outside; it is, after all, valentine's day. the 'dreaded' for some, though never for me. and while i prefer my declarations of love to be more spontaneous and creative than this day normally allows, i do enjoy the idea that there is a place on the calendar set aside to remind us to revel in our affairs of the heart - of every sort - celebrating all the delicious and infinite ways two people can fit together.
so, maybe this is a good day for rain coming at me sideways and upways and swirling about, messing up my perfect hair and making my feet cold. that's what love is supposed to do, isn't it? surprise us and envelope us and soak us to the bone.
i believe in big love. i do. right down to the gooey center of me. (i am not the badass i pretend to be.) with my rose colored glasses, half-full as always, i marvel at the strange luck that brings people together. how is it that we are borne into this family, welcomed by these friends, adopted by that pet, desired by any lover? under our ignorance and along side our real lives, i wonder if there isn't some mindless certainty, humming blithely along, ensuring we'll come together. maybe it's just dumb luck.
doesn't matter.
all i know is that i'm grateful for whatever brand of evolutionary magic has brought me to these people in this place at this time. (my letters are heroic attempts at conveying a gratitude that is impossible for me to voice.)
of course, it isn't only lightning-bolt love i'm talking about ... you know, the kind where electricity passes between two people, charging the air and lighting them up from the inside. it's also friends, near and far, checking in and holding your hand, even if it's only over the phone. it's a song, written by a stranger who somehow knows you completely and has set you to music. it's the cat in your lap trying to type on the computer, too, all the while purring in your ear. and, maybe most importantly, it's recognizing glimpses of the girl you thought you'd be, pulling her close and finding a way to make her stay.
i don't know what the future holds for me. for any of us. but i'm going to stand in the middle of it all and let the rain fall where it will. i will leave no puddle unsplashed.
happy valentine's day to you, dear friends. go get wet.
have you met leroy shakespeare? maybe you know him as 'roy' or 'big boy.' he loves boxes and making bread in your lap and hiding from strangers. he meows so small and loves so big. he is my oldest friend. and tomorrow is his last day on earth.
