Tuesday, June 3, 2008

turn around

today was one of those days that both surprises and delights.

i awoke to darkness, both inside and out. angry at the alarm clock and the theft of sleep ... still licking my wounds from an evening of pointed questions ... and cursing the brides for their early morning appointments to buy egg timers and champagne flutes.

but as i opened my door, and into the quiet house, my first step brought me to a warm spot - one where my cat had clearly spent the night, protecting me, listening to me cry and loving me as only she can.

it's funny, isn't it? that in those times when we need comfort the most, we forget that sometimes all we have to do is open the door.

and it was there the day started anew.

work was ... not as much work as it usually is. the people there constantly surprise me and the sales floor is often filled with laughter and music and more than a little dancing. on this day, though, joy came from some of the most unlikely places.

jenni made cupcakes for breakfast because she understands that there isn't much chocolate can't fix for me. paul brought be a cup of coffee the size of my head - just because i looked as if i needed extra. meg invited me to sit with her family at her graduation, because i'm 'like family anyway, only cooler.' robert bought me a corn dog for lunch, just because he thinks it's fun to watch me eat it. and david, he said he noticed there's been a bit more sparkle in my eye than usual of late and that i should tell the man who put it there to thank his lucky stars that he'd won such a prize and robert said he wasn't sure it was a man that did that for me ... it was probably the corn dog. and we all laughed. loudly.

after work, i went for a run on the beach ... pink and orange to the west, an arc of deepening blue hovering above. (in that light, my freckles, my skin, take on a golden glow, as if i've been covered with sparkling confetti.) and all of a sudden, i couldn't believe THIS is MY life. how did i ever get so lucky?

of course, it isn't luck, really. i chose this. i woke up.

i've done the hard work. i've weathered the winter of my discontent. i've worn the weight of the world on my hips. and through it all, what i've carried around, is the idea that, one day, it would all begin again here. at the end.

and in the midst of all these hormones and uncertainty, i am reminded of all that i am grateful for ... off-the-cuff compliments, freedom of the press, artistic license, licking whipped cream right out of the bowl. thinking caps, adjectives, unconventional lullabies, pale pink light tumbling into morning, conversations on paper, the impossible encounters that live in the imagination and somehow become reality, the kissing part.

i'm off, now, to meet some friends for an impromptu party where i trust there will be much dancing and laughing and perhaps a cocktail or two ... and you know what that means (she says with one eyebrow raised ...)


mel said...

i agree, when we need comfort the most, all we have to do is open the door (literally) and our heart. sometimes people can't come in because we shut them out and we end up wondering why they're not coming. the fullness of life can be experienced when we give us much as we receive, when we open ourselves to the many possibilities of love and caring and laughter around us.

BizyLizy said...

I do believe I'm a little jealous of your life right now, Moon.

The anticipation of love...self reflection...softness that cradles the mind...awakenings that stir the heart to dizzying hope and relentless doubt.

It's a magical time.

I'm not sure if I'll ever visit that mystical land again. My heart is crushed. And yet, I find myself achingly mesmerized by your words.

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